Can't Rewind Now We've Gone Too Far (Life is Pain)
by Hatake Kai
Summary: Sequel to At The Beginning With You (As You Wish). Continues on during 2x6.


Notes: I Don't Own Anything but my Mind and the Fingers that typed this.

Work Text:

Charlie stalked around the outside of the building they were keeping Monroe in; she was sure he didn't know she was there. It was pre-dawn and she wasn't able to sleep. Not in the same place as her; not with the tension that covered the house. No one was talking but to or around Gene. Fake smiles and niceties, 'please and thank you'; those weren't something that could be kept up forever.

She probably wasn't even supposed to know he was here, but she heard Miles and Rachel talking. Well, Miles talked and Rachel probably looked at him as if he was the devil. Or maybe that was only her. But she got what information she needed. Monroe was nearby; and she couldn't keep well enough alone.

She looked in the window, not sure what to expect but it wasn't what she saw. She'd never seen Monroe alone or without a drink in hand; she didn't count the trip down here anyway. He was just staring at his hands, his lips moving like he was talking to himself. There was a makeshift fire shove in front of him, a pot of boiling water on top. She found herself watching him, like a caged animal that came into her mind from a life time ago.

A hooting owl flew behind her, loud enough to echo through the trees. She saw Monroe turn to the window and she ducked, not really sure why she felt the need to hide. She wasn't doing anything wrong. She heard a door open and she moved along the side of the building, planning on running out. She didn't want to talk to him.

She was about to bolt when Monroe was in front of her, a smirk on his lips. "Good morning Charlotte. To what do I owe this pleasure." She could tell he hadn't slept, his eyes had dark bags that were worst than before they made it to Willoughby yesterday morning.

Trying to take a step back, Charlie stumbled and landed with a "Oof" on her butt. "I though we were done with the Charlotte thing, Monroe." She said, looking up at him as she spoke before taking Monroe's offered hand. Since when did she take Monroe's help?

Monroe looked at her as she got on her feet and dropped his hand quickly. "Must be a slip of the tongue. Old habits die hard don't they." He moved to his to look at her coat, probably one of her grandfather's as it was much too big for her. On the left side was a machete like knife at her waist.

Charlie scowled at Monroe, wrapping the coat closer around herself as his eyes left her body to look her in the face. "Most do don't they." She hoped her voice sounded threatening; she really shouldn't have worn the purple blouse Rachel had found for her.

Monroe laughed, his eye crinkling a bit, "Most don't." He took a step around Charlie, "Though, like I asked earlier. What is your purpose here?" His voice conveyed annoyance, probably due to his lack of sleep Charlie thought.

"Nothing, I was out for a walk." Charlie replied, turning to keep her eyes on him, "That's not a crime here; though I guess it might have been on in Philly."

Monroe flinched at the mention of Philadelphia, Charlie had baited him well. "It wasn't; though sneaking around and peeping in windows could be if it you weren't shot first." His voice was flat, as if he was speaking in schoolhouse facts rather than about a life. Charlie shook her head, looking anywhere than at Monroe. This was different, being around him by choice rather than necessity. She didn't know what to say. Didn't really even know why she was here. They just stood there, the tension rising up like the morning fog. It had to have been a good minute before Monroe spoke again. "Miles got me some coffee. Would you like some?" His words were selected carefully, even Charlie could hear it in his voice. She shrugged, "I suppose." He hasn't done anything yet to warrant her running, not after all the time they've already spent together.

Monroe nodded, walking back to the door. Once in, he moved the pot from his makeshift stove top. He then turned around and grabbed another cup, apparently Miles had set him up pretty well. He poured the water into the cups and spooned some powder into them. He mixed them before turning back to Charlie who was sitting in a metal chair. "It's instant but it still has caffeine." He said approaching Charlie, hand outstretched with the tea in hand.

Charlie took the cup, blowing away the steam before sipping it as Monroe took a seat across from her. She was never a big fan of coffee, having started to drink it in her time with the rebels. Looking at the cup she said, "My mom is pretty pissed about you being here."

Monroe nodded, "Rachel isn't my biggest fan in the world." His voice was collected, no emotion coming out besides possible indifference.

Charlie looked up to see Monroe studying her, "That's an understatement." Her voice wasn't as even as his, her anger or maybe disappointment coming through.

Monroe looked at her after he took a drink of his coffee, draining most of the cup. Miles was the same way, drinking his coffee while it was still steaming hot. Charlie couldn't stand it. He cracked a somewhat sad smile. "I have a lot to make up for Charlotte. Rachel has a lot of reasons to hate me. I never meant for you or your to be hurt."

Charlie looked at Monroe, an unspoken rule just broke for them. He'd never mention Danny before to her. Not when they were tied up in the pool; not on their trip here. "And why is that? You threatened to kill one of us when we were in Philadelphia. You set out to kill the rebels. Why weren't me or Danny any different?" This questioned had burned in her mind since he saved her at The Tower and then again when he saved her at the bar.

Monroe laughed, a self hatred filled laugh she'd never heard from another human. Not even from Miles. "Would it surprise you to know that we met before Philadelphia? Even before the Blackout?"

Charlie looked at Monroe, eyes full of surprise. It honestly never occurred to her. Sure, Nora had told her that Miles and Monroe were childhood friends and into adulthood they became soldiers together; but this hit too close to home. "It would make since if it was true." Charlie said a minute later.

"Trust me, it is." Monroe said, "I came with Miles twice. Once after Danny was born, and again before the Blackout on your birthday. You even called once to talk to me."

Charlie looked at Monroe like he had grown a second head. "How does this explain why you didn't want Danny hurt?"

"Because, I remember this little blonde girl who played with dolls and watched Princess movies. A little girl who called me Sebastian cause I called her Charlotte." Monroe said, eyes looking into the past. "And Danny was just a little boy who could hardly breathe and how you made sure he was happy and even let him blow out a candle from your cake."

Charlie was silent, remembering vaguely what Monroe said. She was silent as he continued to speak. "When I came the first, it was after... After my family had died. It was nice to be around you. I never wanted to become General Monroe... I just didn't want to lose anyone else."

"So killing everyone around you accomplished what?" Charlie said, her voice steely. "If you didn't want to lose anyone else, why did you cause others to?"

"Because, Charlotte," Monroe said, eyes flashing anger, "Life isn't fair. People die in a war; it isn't perfect, but to stomp out something you have to cut it out by the roots."


End file.
